Love Like You Know It
Mio cried when we got home from our Valentine’s dinner.
“You didn’t get me anything for Valentine’s Day, Mom.”
It sounds materialistic but you see, my son is quite thoughtful. He would have made me three different drawings as his Valentine’s gift since January already.
And it does break my heart because I’m trying damn hard not to spoil him and buy toys left and right considering how hard it has been lately on our finances. Its difficult to admit knowing well how hard I work and it doesn’t make sense that we hardly have money anymore but realistically, we really had none. Its so hard to make him realize that we’re so richly loved and that everything else is insignificant. I’m selling valuables and gadgets now. Its a shame how I beg and do stuff just to get by. My only consolation is that he is indeed getting better.
He had fever after his first dose of Cytarabin, the medicine vial that has to be injected beneath his skin everyday. That made me run in between work and monitor his temperature. I was really panicking because we could barely pay for his chemo everyday, I’d have to beg if we had to be confined again. Thankfully his fever subsided overnight. It was as if he just had to have fever to stop me from working.
It broke his heart more when I told him that I won’t be there at chemo today. I have to be on my way to an 18-hour long taping while simultaneously coordinating a styling gig, its ridiculous how anyone can keep a schedule like mine. I can’t say no to any opportunity, you know. Its money to pay those chemo sessions, buy those medicines, put gas in my Dad’s car so Mio can be brought to and from, pay the tutor… stuff like that. I have to provide for him on so many levels I just want to cry just thinking of how much harder I have to work just so we can get by.
Mio was playing his DS while listening to this Tigger and Pooh show and he says out of the blue, as if he was paying attention to the show, “Tigger doesn’t realize that his real family is his friends.”
Its knowing that my son can see things like this assures me that although he cries like I’m gonna die tomorrow at the thought of not spending time or that I can’t hug him tight “coz Anmom doesn’t hug me as tight as you do, you’re better at hugging” assures me that he understands.
That’s all that matters, right?