• Jasmine Mendiola

I want my serotonin back please

I’ve been postponing work for quite some time now. I can’t blame it on my recent freelancing stint because I never ran out of things to do and would never allow myself not to be busy except that now, I find myself reading a twilight book or doing a gossip girl/ grey’s anatomy marathon or watching the same dresden files episode on cable over and over again instead of finishing an article, packing pullouts, drafting conracts, cleaning my makeup kit or the other more important work-related things.

I usually sleep late and wake up a little before Mio has to leave for school before lunch. Now I sleep by 9 and wake up by 4am and never sleep until the day after.

I used to complain my 26 year old body has finally reached the point of no return. The phase where my post-pregnancy body was still envied up until my beer belly started to show. Now I’m becoming skinny again like post-breakup 2007 and I really can’t pinpoint why. Is it because we don’t have a rice cooker and my rice intake has gone down?

My menstrual cycle is always always on the dot, 28 days. It never changes except when I was pregnant. My period started after 36 days this month. Good thing I had no reason to panic but still. What kind of stress could possibly be causing my menstrual cycle delay when I have no motivation or desire to work and therefore be stressed?

I try hard to do the same things I’ve been doing. Going out with friends keeps me preoccupied and I really have a good time, while weddings this December still make my day. But once all of them leave I tire myself crying in their hotel room while I wait for touch ups or cry myself in prayer to sleep.

I don’t know who to blame or if I should or if there’s anything really directly affecting this mood. But I want it to away soon because the Christmas spirit is so not kicking in. Thank God our condo windows are suicide-proof.


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