To My First Born

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To my first born, my reason for making absolutely anything out of myself and my hero.

I met your Dad at this precarious age of yours (fourteen) and I absolutely do not like it! 😂 I see so much of him in you now, an immaturity that took a very long while for him to shake off, and an attitude Ateneo teenage boys have that put me at a crossroads wondering if I am relieved at how "normal" you are considering what I have put you through in life. When I was your age now, I had been bitten by the theater bug. I gave up piano and sports thinking, "this is what I'll do for the rest of my life!" which I ardently pursued until I got pregnant with you.

90% of the time since I had you, I have no idea what I'm doing (see picture below).

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Especially now that you are at that age where I remember my own defiance yet know nothing of yours. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't breastfeed you or consciously practiced those nutritional feeding trends they scarcely had during your time, maybe you didn't have cancer; I'm sorry I didn't make it work with your Dad or my exes and also hurt you; I'm sorry I shuffled you from one place to another, maybe you might have felt more at home where we are now if we found it sooner.

But I hope that someday you will grow up to forgive me. And that someday you will find greater courage to be better than any of us, your parents, ever were. That you will try new things and find something you absolutely love enough to make you move and dare like how I have when God gave me you.

Papa and I will support you with everything you want and need, anak. My birthday wish for you is to dream and start imagining yourself when you grow up. Life will constantly change because "life is". People will come and go. But I, your Mom, will love you no matter what even when it doesn't seem like I do. And I hope my love will guide you like Dada and Anmom's love for me has wherever I go and whatever I do.

Happy birthday, son. Let's have an awesome normal day today.

You & Me Forever, 
Mom

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