• Jasmine Mendiola

Rules of Engagement

Updated: Apr 11

So now that my self-esteem is back on a roll, that means i’m officially back in the market and the games have begun!

But who said anything about wanting to play around? Again. I asked my boss once if there were rules on post break ups and as much as I’d like to enumerate some, it just seems unlikely to be followed. If it was up to me, my rules would go something like this:

IF YOU ARE THE GRIEVED PARTY 1. Never rekindle ties with your ex partner. Cut off all communication lines. Do not text. Do not whine or whimper. It apparently does not help you recover. Keeping familiars and letting time numb the feelings don’t work especially if you’re partner is eager to move on with his/ her life. Express your anger, resentment and sorrow to your own people because they will love you even if you drive them crazy. And they will be the same people who will laugh with you when all this is over. 2. Read a good book. Aside from the fact that it consumes your time and keeps you preoccupied from reminiscing happy memories, books give great advise on healing and provides all sorts of ego-boosting activities. 3. Do trace back your roots. There may have been rules throughout your relationship and now is the time to break free from those stupid rules that seriously don’t make sense to you except that they please your partner. Make friends with old friends regardless if you had good memories, really close friendships or really intimate pasts; indulge in activities and hobbies you used to be fond of doing yourself or with a circle of friends; touch base with your true old self. 4. Invest on personal dates. Meaning, treat yourself to anything that you fancy and start working on making yourself happy. 5. Go out and look great. Whether your intentions are to win your ex back or simply to make him/ her regret and carry with him/ her the burden of “its his/ her lost” syndrome, the fact is, looking unhealthy, pathetic and darn pitiful makes things worse on your court. Its almost as if you’re emulating negative vibe to the universe and the universe gives you precisely what you ask for. So if you look your best at this point in your life, you’ll be on top of your game in no time. 6. Meet new people. I’d actually say “ensure at all costs that you will be the first to get hitched.” But cases in point are “what if he/ she actually left you for someone else? what if he/ she has been developing a really close relationship with one of your acquaintances already? what if he/ she is the type to go out with different sorts of people when he/ she is single?” things like that. The point is, that shouldn’t matter! Focus on yourself and follow your own pace. But sure it would be nice if you were great on your own… and better with someone much much better before he/ she ends ups with a loser! 7. Ignore his /her life now. Stop checking out his/ her friendster and stop stalking potential future partners. You’re just contributing to the deterioration of your self-esteem.

IF YOU WERE THE ABANDONING PARTY 1. Allow a decent amount of time to mourn and grieve the relationship. 3 months is the safest before you actually commit to another relationship. Aside from the fact the hopping into another relationship without being completely ready and forgiving of the former one won’t exactly be the heathiest option, consider the amount of pain you already caused. Seriously, its not just about your ex. The least you can do is be the decent person and show them the actual reasons you enumerated when you decided to break his/ her heart. 2. Reach out. Every now and then, check on your ex and show that you care. Just be careful not to send mixed signals and make it clear that its over. That’ll draw sympathy and perhaps, add to good memories once both of you are ready to be ok someday. 3. Never be rude. Its bad enough that you were the cause of all his/ her heart wrenching tragedies that will never seem to end. Stick to your word and leave him/ her with the good stuff. If you think she/ he is driving you crazy, deal with it in a calm manner. Of course, that could be precisely the reason why you left him/ her, but it shall pass and you just have to be a little more undestanding until he/ she regains her confidence. 4. Don’t flaunt. If you’re happy and you know it… keep it to yourself until such time that most of the people involved have forgotten you existed in their life specifically your ex, her friends and family and co-workers. Keep a low profile because you’re no different from the wanted hit list and everything you say or do will be used against you and your reputation.

Now, back to the game 🙂 i’m already a bit rusty in this department so how should a single girl in her quarter life begin to start dating? Not to mention a single girl with a hang-over and comes with a package deal called “baby”. Single moms don’t get it easy. But that doesn’t mean we don’t get a lot of fun either. So when single girl starts doing #6, how does she begin to engage?

My first date wasn’t so bad. He was a lawyer. So I say the first rule is to remain picky and go for decent people. Don’t deteriorate and go for the next jerk in line because take it from me, that won’t do you any good either. Even if you’re just after a rebound guy, pick a decent date. You never know how things improve or how news travel.

My second date was a good friend. But a good-looking good friend. That’s good in case you’re sighted by familiars and not bad either for your starter list but the thing to remember is, friends should be just friends.

My third possible date turned out to be involved in an open relationship. Now obviously that didn’t push through. You see, although a girl knows how to play games, a girl can even be better at taking things seriously. So go for a clean slate because its bad enough that you’re just stepping out of a long relationship. Again, even if its just a date, you don’t want trouble just for a night of fun, right?

My fourth date was cute. But he was fresh and quick to engage. So I ditched him. Nicely of course because burning bridges at this point in your life is not a good start if you want to expand your horizons. So keep your options open. For all you know, it was just a bad first impression.

My fifth date was unexpected and satisfyingly interesting. Unexpected is nice because that means I wasn’t on the prey. Interesting is good too because that means he can be the one. He’s decent (first note, check!), he’s an old acquaintance (second note, slightly check!) and he’s attractive as well (third point check!) Now what?

I can, like any other girl, just keep waiting in the wings for a text or a call back so to speak. Hopefully he’s interested too. Or I can be the actual person that I am, frank and bold, and meet him half-way and do the asking this time around. But the latter didn’t get supportive feedback so that remains to be a plan of scheme in my head. So I will wait. But where does recovering from the old relationship come in? A part of me would like to compare and show off. I am after all entitled to it because I was the grieved party and its time to show that I’m better off now and that I am in full capacity to get hitched anytime I want now. A part of me debates however that I am not ready precisely due to the first few dates that didn’t feel right. This one seem to possibly fit quite well, so why not make a go for it? Not yet. The answers are the same things that should have been worked out during the old relationship.

So my rules of engagement are the same rules I was practicing before I got my heart broken. 1. Choose your battles. 2. Practice patience. 3. Never compromise.

How about that for a good start? 🙂

Jasmine Mendiola

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©2019 by Jasmine Mendiola