• Jasmine Mendiola

Manufactured Feelings

According to real close friends, the last time they saw me in love was back in 2001. Regardless who I’ve been with in the span of eight years, it seemed I was only fooling myself.

The first time though that I was happy for no reason but myself was just last year, 2008. Happiness, so I’ve learned, “is free when you lose your mind” or simply just a state of mind.

All that drama was just that. Drama. The feelings were more like reactions. Over-reacting at that.

One of my best friends was ranting earlier that she hated feeling guilty of all the feelings. This friend of mine, like most of them were built to be rational and mind-driven.

I told her, ‘but how come guilt seemed to be the only feeling that involved reason or conscience?” When you THINK about it, most feelings are just that.

Anger was mostly made up of selfish irrational physical expressions; Sadness can be brought about by the most natural things like PMS or something that everyone’s entitled to once in awhile; Happiness is mostly a burst of adrenaline brought about by the simplest things for no particular reason.

Guilt is a feeling you cannot reproduce or demand of someone. I just realized that now as I’m typing. Interesting… It is a thought that only a higher kind of knowing can push from inside. Its the most genuine form of gut feeling.

Pain is another feeling altogether. I have yet to understand how it transpires but I know it too well to know that it doesn’t equate to frustration, annoyance or disappointment. Not even anger. It just hurts. Its not a gut feeling. But it resonates all over your senses. That’s quite a feeling.

Ironically, I’m smiling at the thought of knowing all these about feelings. Truly, mind is way over matter.

Its pointless but I had to write them down anyway. Perhaps you can create some feelings out of this. Either way, its elating to realize that imagining these complex human traits can be mind blowing. The mind and the heart working together. That’s a start.

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Jasmine Mendiola

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